Tips to Avoid Affecting Your Children During a Divorce 

Kids of all ages may feel a sense of loss, from the loss of family structure to the loss of life as they knew it. They may blame themselves for their caregivers’ separation and exhibit behavioral changes. 

Divorce lawyers in Harrisburg, PA may advise to try to minimize conflict in front of your kids and make sure that they don’t overhear you and your ex arguing. This can be very damaging to children. 

1. Keep it civil. 

Divorce puts a lot of stress on those involved, especially when anger and ill feelings are present. It’s important to remain civil throughout the process and avoid making baseless declarations or hasty decisions. 

Avoid talking negatively about your ex in front of your children. Not only does this hurt them, but it can cause unnecessary tension and make it harder for them to connect with the other parent. 

It may also be helpful to have quick subject-changers ready for when your ex attempts to initiate an uncomfortable discussion. This will allow you to politely redirect the conversation. 

2. Don’t talk about the divorce. 

If you are going through a divorce, it is important to be mindful of how the way you talk about your spouse to others can impact your case. This includes social media posts, which are often shared without discretion and may get back to friends or family who are involved in your situation. 

Hateful statements can make your ex more antagonistic, making it harder to reach a compromise during the divorce process. Also, dragging close friends into the war of words is likely to hurt those relationships. You will need those friendships more than ever during and after your divorce, so try to avoid putting them in a bad position. 

3. Don’t talk negatively about the other parent. 

Divorce is stressful enough, but you don’t need to drag your children into your fights. If you feel like you need to vent, do so with a neutral third party such as a friend or counselor. 

Negative statements about your ex in front of your children can create anxiety and add to their stress levels. These statements can also damage their self-esteem. 

If your ex is bad mouthing you to your children, try talking with them about it in a calm and business-like manner. Explain how hurtful these statements are and ask them to stop. 

4. Don’t ask your children to pass messages for


Asking your children to pass messages between you and your ex is not only inappropriate, but it’s also very risky. It’s natural for kids to feel like they’re in the middle of a conflict, but it’s important to avoid using them as messengers. 

Instead, take the conversation somewhere else, preferably outside of your home. Also, be sure not to badmouth your former spouse in front of your kids. Children can have a hard time opening up when they feel like they’re being attacked by their parents. This is especially true when it’s their fault. 

5. Don’t make them choose a side. 

Children can feel a heavy burden when they are made to choose sides or hear negative things about their parents from one parent to the other. This is especially true if they are young. 

Make sure you avoid saying bad things about your ex in front of or within earshot of your kids. It’s also important not to discuss custody battles or other divorce-related legal issues in front of your children. 

It’s also important to encourage your kids to talk about how they are feeling and to be honest. This can be a difficult task for kids, so you may need to help them find words to express their feelings. 

6. Don’t take sides. 

Forcing children to take sides is a sure way to cause lasting psychological damage. Children who have supportive co-parents suffer fewer emotional problems

It’s important to remember that kids love both parents, and forcing them to choose sides is a sure way to damage their wellbeing. It’s also important to avoid trash talking your ex in front of the kids. 

This includes direct put-downs as well as subtle hints that you think your spouse is a jerk, like eye rolls and hostile body language. All of this can be used against you in court. 

7. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

Children often feel torn between two homes, and if their parents divorce, they may wonder how the marriage collapsed. If they ask questions, be patient and reassuring. Explain that both parents love them and are still part of their lives, and be sure to answer each question honestly. 

Bad-mouthing your ex to your kids is never a good idea. If you must have an argument with your former spouse, do it while the kids are not home or in earshot. Children can sense when you are fighting with each other, and this hurts them.


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